Surf, life, and getting spit out naked on a packed beach, part II

“Going over the falls,” “whitewater frenzy,” “tiger shark sightings.” If you’re not familiar with these terms, please scroll down a little and read “Surf, Life, and Getting Spit Out Naked on a Packed Beach, Part I.”

Learning to surf has taught me one of life’s most valuable lessons. It all happened on that fateful day upon the gnarly walled-up shore breakers just north of the Wedge. I stood there, butt naked, shorts in hand, allowing the full magnitude of dozens of people staring at me to sink in. I had just survived going over the falls, getting spun on supercrazy wash cycle, and then taking it on the head a couple of times. It felt good to be alive, despite the fact that people were pointing, laughing, and I think a few, possibly, taking pictures.

It wasn’t until several years later, while learning to surf, that I figured out that going over the falls and getting spun like a rag doll under water was something I was going to have to get used to. I was told, that when you enter the washing machine, that you need to relax, let the wave bend you into whatever shape it wishes. Relax? Are you kidding me? I felt like I was in the jaws of death every time it happened. When your life is on the line, you fight. You fight tooth and nail to get out of the life threatening situation. So I kept fighting, and I lost every time, hitting the surface pumped full with adrenaline and lungs deplete of oxygen.

One day, I was dropping in late on a wave, tried to pull back, but once again, I went over. It was a pretty good sized wave, and it threw me down hard, and far. I let my body relax. My instinct was to battle, but I forced myself to let the wave do its thing. I spun, twisted, and convulsed...but this time, I kinda’ liked it. Within seconds, the tremors faded, and I popped up to the surface. I did it. I let the wave take control (as if it ever wasn’t), and I experienced the joy in giving in to my fear.

Experiencing joy in the midst of fear. Sounds like a crazy paradox...and guess what? It is. Now let me make clear that joy is not necessarily happiness. Rather, it is a sense of peace, an understanding that we aren’t the ones in control. Life throws us curveballs, sinkers, and every once in a while, unhittable sliders. We will be confronted with stress, from without, and from within, that will cause fear. Our natural instinct is to fight or run. When we fight the fear, it often grows, and overwhelms us. When we run, we turn to alchohol, drugs, porn, blaming others, (fill in blank with any other addiction), to avoid the enormous pain of facing our fear. The last two years have brought me a tremendous amount of anxiety, most of which come from never dealing with growing up with an alcoholic father whø kicked me aside, never playing with me, or even talking with me. When he did talk, it often was abusive.

I’ve had to deal with border line panic attacks, generated from within. When they first began, when my obsessive fears first reared their ugly heads, I fought like a madman, pushing them away. But they overwhelmed me. The harder I fought, the stronger they became. When I finally began to give in to the fear, much like giving in to the twisting and turning when I go over the falls, I began to experience some peace.

I have a long way to go, as the fear is embedded deeply within, but “running to the roar” has been one of the best life lessons I have learned. It will definitely save you on the waves, and I guarantee it will bring you joy. Give in to your fears. Face your anxiety. Run to the roar. Its a paradox worth living.

Danny