Ozark Beauty Queen

Played in the key of "G," sing it with a twang!
(Inspired by true events, yet not written about anyone in particular)

(Verse 1)
Walked outta' the trailer
Just the other day
I saw you kickin' Old Yeller
Right over by the hay
I said, "Come on honey, that pup ain't done you no harm!"
So I picked up my guitar, and wrote this love song

(Verse 2)
Opened the mail
It was straight from Bank One
The creditors tell me, you're having too much fun
I mean, come on darlin'
My credit can't take that hit
It's gonna take me fifty years to climb outta' this financial pit

(Chorus)
Cause if it ain't what it seems
Then tell me what it is
Cause I've been seeing things
A multitude of sins
And I've been on my knees
For far too long
You kicked me once, you kicked me twice
Third time, baby, I'm gone

(Verse 3)
When we were first married
Babe, you were a beauty queen
Now fifty-five pounds later
You're just fat, ugly and mean
I mean, come on darlin'
I didn't sign up for double wide
Now I gotta' walk twenty steps behind
To salvage a little piece of my pride

(Verse 4)
Walked out to the parking lot
Right front of K-Mart
Caught you walkin' hand in hand
With my second cousin Art
You said, "Come on, darlin', I promise it'll end"
I heard that crap before
When I caught you making out with Uncle Fred

Repeat Chorus